We All Have Our Demons
by tt22123
Summary: Sam is hurting, can Dean help? Or will he just make it worse? Baby spoiler for Season 9/10
1. CopyRight

Any of the characters portrayed within this story do not belong to me, I am merely borrowing them from their oh-so-amazing original authors. I do not make any money from this story and it is not to be published or to be used for others purposes other than reading on this site where I have posted it. The original author has all right to this story and I do not claim to own anything other than the plot. I wish I owned the world and the characters but alas I am a book binder/restorer, not an author.


	2. Chapter 1

"Dee." Sam shifted in the bed.

"Dee!" Dean woke as he heard his brother call out for him, even though they were still led next to one another.

"Dean!" Sam shot bolt upright in the motel room bed and sat there, muscles tensed and tears flowing. Dean sat up and wrapped his arms around his baby brother while resting his chin on Sam's shoulder from behind. The contact initially made Sam tense even more but quickly relaxed when he looked and saw that it was only Dean.

"Sammy? What happened baby boy? What's wrong?"

"I love you Dee."

"I know. I love you too Sammy." With these words Dean moved to press a chaste kiss to his brother's lips. "So much. Now, tell me what's the matter baby boy. Please?"

"It was just a dream. I know that it was but it still felt so real. I watched you die, again. I always see you die and I can never stop it, and I don't just mean in my dream. This time it was different though. It was me, I wasn't good enough and you died Dee. You blamed me for not being good enough and you were right. I'm never good enough to save you. I need to be better. I need to be better." As Sam began this five word chant he head butted his clenched fists each time he spoke the final word.

Dean quickly moved his arms to take a hold of Sam's wrists and pulled his fists away from himself. It wasn't the first time that Sam's dreams had left him feeling guilty and full of self-hatred. Dean was accustomed to this routine since returning from Purgatory. Soon after his return Dean and Sam had both told the other about their feelings for one another, finding solace in the other's body.

Along with these confessions came Dean's realisations over Sam's self hatred. Their declarations of love meant that the brothers grew physically closer. For the first time since they were children, the brothers saw one another without clothes and Dean's heart broke. He'd realised that Sam had taken to only getting changed in the bathroom or when Dean was not there but he'd always assumed that it was because they just weren't children anymore. He'd never expected to see the latticework of scars that had grown on Sam's skin, several cuts present that were barely a day old. Dean had decided at that point that they were due a break and spent 3 days mapping the myriad of scars, across Sam's thighs, stomach and arms, and discussing the reasons why he had done it.

Dean had helped Sam a lot and he no longer added to his collection of scars, except on hunts and for the silver test, although Dean would do the test, unwilling to watch his brother do it having seen the result of Sam's old habit. Sam had taken offense to this at first but when he realised that Dean only did it because he was scared, rather than him not trusting Sam, he relented to his brother's wish.

Of course there were still times when the need to hurt himself became too strong for Sam to handle but at those points Dean was always there and able to help him through the urges. Unfortunately there were times, especially after nightmares, when Sam wasn't particularly aware of his actions and would try to injure himself, but always to no avail. Even in those moments Dean was there to help.

Dean had always figured his nightmares would feature monsters after his return from purgatory but since he had found out about Sam's habits his dreams took a turn. He would frequently have the dream of each one of Sam's scars opening up and him having to watch as his baby brother, and lover, bled out by his own hand. Naturally Dean never told the true content of his dreams, knowing it would make the younger Winchester feel guilty for his actions so instead he would regale his brother with his adventures in hell and purgatory, pretending that they were his dreams.

The only time that Sam had ever relapsed was when Dean took on the Mark of Cain and turned into a demon. Seeing his older brother, turned lover, coming after him with an axe broke Sam. He was almost tempted to let Dean finish him, let him break Sam as much as his head, heart, and soul was already broken. However he held out hope for saving his brother.

When Dean was cured he immediately felt regret over his actions, even more so when he saw the growing lattice work, which had extended over his stomach and had begun wrapping around Sammy's side, following the curve of his slightly protruding ribs. The elder's heart broke at this sight before him and he was unable to contain the emotions coursing through his veins.

Sam couldn't remember ever seeing Dean crying like he did that first night of being human once more. He saw every emotion as they flew through Dean's face until tears began flowing. As soon as the moisture left his eyes Dean ended up kneeling on the floor in front of his Sammy. Face hidden from sight in Sam's taut stomach, lips pressing against every cut (old and new), carefully so to make sure that he did not hurt his brother any more than he had already done.

Sam was able to see in that instance just how much HE was hurting his brother. Something he hoped that he would never end up doing again and for the first time the urges went away completely. His unwillingness to hurt his brother further overpowering any desire he could ever fell to want to hurt himself again.


End file.
